What Kind Of Difference Are You Making?

Do you wake up every morning and say "I'm going to change the
world today!"? Most of us would feel a bit grandiose saying
that, yet many of us really DO want to change the world, we DO
want to make a difference. And we often feel discouraged and
disheartened at our inability to do that.

But the truth is you DO make a difference. The question is "What
kind of a difference do you make?"

Positive or Negative?

Every day you have many opportunities to make a difference.

When you're driving down the freeway and someone pulls in front
of you, do you yell and shake your fist? Or do you send them a
kind thought?

When someone in your family interrupts your work do you let them
know (silently or not so silently) that they're bothering you?
Or do you set aside what you're doing and listen attentively?

When you've waited in line a long time to order your morning
latte are you a tad crabby when it's finally your turn? Or do
you say something empathetic to the busy barista?

How you choose to respond to and interact with others will
determine whether the difference you are making is positive or
negative -- but you are making a difference.

Other people are affected by your thoughts, words, and actions.
You can be a shining beam of light that brightens someone's day
or a dark cloud adding more dreary negativity. Your smile, kind
word, or warm gesture could make all the difference to your
family, friends, coworkers, or even to a stranger.

You may be thinking that it's no big deal; smiling at someone or
saying something nice doesn't make much of a difference.
However, as Mother Teresa said, "It is not the magnitude of our
actions but the amount of love that is put into them that
matters." Over the years, I've heard many stories about a few
words or a simple act changing someone's life. We never know
what the magnitude of our impact on someone will be or how it
might ripple out into the world.

Playing With This

I've been playing with this idea lately. Asking myself "What
KIND of difference am I making here?" seems to give me the
awareness and space to more often choose to speak or act in a way
that's likely to make a positive difference. This question
provides a tiny nudge that leads me to smile, say something
pleasant, or do some small thing for someone.

It's not that I was rude in restaurants or yelling at my husband
or snarling at strangers before. Nor is it that I am now or ever
will be a candidate for sainthood. It's just that "What kind of
difference can I make here?" lightly encourages me to extend
myself a little more in order to make a positive difference in
someone's life. And I'm having fun with it!

Some "little" things I've done in the last few weeks include:

* Giving my waitress a true, shining, bright smile rather than a
polite one

* Holding back my words when I felt critical of my husband

* Listening to a friend grieving her divorce

* Visiting an elderly friend who enjoys company and loves to tell
stories

In each case my intention was to "make a positive difference
with ease and fun." Since we can never know for sure the impact
of our seemingly little actions, I use this intention as my
guide.

Only If It Lights You Up

Each of us DOES make a difference in the world every day. We can
choose to make a POSITIVE difference as many (or as few) times a
day as we like. It's up to you. Don't bludgeon yourself
thinking you have to make a positive difference with every person
every minute of every day. That's too much work!

When it's easy for you to do so, try choosing to make a positive
difference. No suffering, sacrifice, or martyrdom required here.

Think again of Mother Teresa: she did amazing work, made a huge
difference in many lives, and she loved what she was doing! You
will have more positive impact on others and feed yourself as
well, when you make a positive difference by doing what lights
you up (what energizes and enlivens you, what you love, what
you're passionate about). Make the difference you can make with
ease and joy!

(Note: if you have been giving, giving, giving and have nothing
left to give, please, please, please fill your own tank first!
Self-care needs to be your priority. When you are filled up, you
may be ready to revisit this idea.)

In Your Life

How can you make a positive difference in the world today? Here
are some suggestions.

* Set your intention to make a positive difference with ease and
fun. If "ease and fun" aren't qualities that speak to you,
choose other qualities that light you up.

* Play with saying or doing "little" things that could in some
way make a positive difference to someone. How do you feel when
you do this? What happens? How does it seem to affect the other
person?

Remember sometimes we can tell the effect, sometimes not.
Sometimes the effect is immediate, sometimes later. Sometimes
there is no effect. You can't control any of this. When your
intention is to make a positive difference and you take action in
support of that intention, allow yourself to feel the pleasure of
what you have done, no matter the results.

* At the end of the day reflect on what you have done to make a
positive difference. No matter how large or small it may seem,
give yourself credit for what you have done. If you focus on what
you have done and how good that feels, you'll build energy to
continue making a positive difference.

Each of us truly can make a positive difference every day and who
knows how that could ripple out to change the world.

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Bonnie McFarland works with women at midlife who are restless,
stuck, or dissatisfied and wondering what to do with the rest
of their lives. Her e-book, "What Lights You Up? Your Guide
to Pleasure, Passion, and Purpose in Life," as well as
"Light Matters," her ezine with tips and tools for
getting more of what you truly want, are both
available free. go to http://www.labellavia.com